Some of your staff will inevitably resign over time. However, it’s not inevitable people will leave. How you react in response often determines the outcome.
Here’s my practical advice on what to do when your people choose to leave.
Why do people resign from their job?
People resign from their job for only one of two reasons:
- They have a current upset, or
- They want to avoid a potential future upset.
Current upsets exist in the present, e.g., overworked, underpaid, lack of motivation to do the role, dislike of their manager, etc. A ‘potential future upset’ is a fear of an upset occurring in the future. Someone being offered a better job that may not be offered again or wanting to start a family before it becomes too late is a typical example. Everyone seeks happiness, and avoiding painful experiences (now and in the future) achieves this. A resignation signifies that a person has lost hope that their current job will serve them best right now.
Can you stop people from resigning?
No. Often, people make these decisions independent from their boss, and you’re typically the last person to find out. However, you may be able to change the outcome by influencing them to change their mind.
To influence effectively, you must believe that the decision they’re making is not the best decision for them. You need to be honest, ethical, and act with the person’s best interest at heart. If you don’t, it’s manipulation, and it will backfire. Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about them, so you must put your self-interest aside and help them make the right decision.
Should you stop people from resigning?
Not necessarily. Sometimes a resignation can come to you as a gift in disguise, and you should happily take it. Chronic underperformers, people with unacceptable behavioral issues that are unlikely to change, or people who keep quitting on you are good examples. Count it as a blessing. Interestingly, your job here is not to get in the way! Accept the resignation, be thankful, and move on.
Early in my career, I resisted any resignation as my default response without looking deep enough to evaluate the person’s real contribution. I was lazy, and I didn’t want to re-hire at an inconvenient time (there’s never a convenient time to re-hire). I did the easy thing, not the right thing. And it cost me.
What to do when a staff member resigns
Here are my seven steps to effectively dealing with a resignation so that you can give yourself the best chance of retaining valuable people:
- Manage your emotions.
Don’t get offended. Becoming defensive, cold, or antagonistic shows that you only care about how you feel, which will validate their decision to leave. It doesn’t mean that you can’t feel upset, but you can’t appear angry or resentful as it will not help.
After dealing with your negative emotions in private, promise to yourself that you will be mature and handle the matter with professionalism and respect.
- Reassure them that you are on their side.
It would be best to come from a genuine place of care for the individual and their family. Show them the kind of leadership they are about to walk away from. I often say at the outset, ‘I’m happy to support you in doing what’s best for you and your family, whether you choose to stay or leave.’ Bring down their walls, and let them know that you will respect their final decision.
- Seek to understand.
Before you can offer any guidance, you need to understand why they have decided to leave. Rarely will someone give you the real reason first-up; you need to dig deeper and uncover the primary upset. Often people lie about the reasons for fear of offending their managers, wanting to leave on ‘good’ terms. Sometimes people don’t know why they’re resigning; it’s spontaneous or reactive. Open the conversation and go deep; you could help them identify the issue, providing relief and making them more receptive.
- Take responsibility.
For some, this is hard. When you’ve understood the grievances, you may discover something about your organisation that’s not right, e.g., abusive behavior by other staff, a lack of support by management, lack of resources, etc. The good news is these are all things you can correct. It’s the necessary clean-up work required to remedy the relationship and the business all-in-one. Commit that these issues will be rectified by a specific timeframe so that they know you’re serious about taking action.
People will respect you when you have listened, understood, and taken responsibility for what you or the organisation could’ve done better. Again, your leadership qualities are on display.
- Remind them of your vision.
Remind them of what the organisation aims to achieve in the long run and how the work they do is critical for its success. Also, remind them of their vision for their ideal career within your organisation, committing to their development and well-being. It would help if you felt genuinely passionate about your company and their career development for this to have an inspiring impact.
- Propose a new way forward.
Agree on what changes are needed to solve the issues presented. Gain commitment on both sides to implement these changes, noting the specifics, i.e., who does what by when.
At this point, you need to close the deal.
An excellent way to do this is by asking, ‘so if we can solve these issues, and we agree on what the future looks like, what do you think is the best way forward? Let them drive the decision to stay.
If they still prefer to leave, there might be more work for you to do on steps 3 and 4 above as you might not have uncovered their real ‘why’ for leaving.
Hopefully, they choose to retract their resignation and give it another go, with a renewed understanding of both sides on what it takes to make things work.
You need to agree on how to handle these situations in the future should further upsets arise. Let them know how you would prefer for the issues to be dealt with in the future so that this situation doesn’t repeat. Make sure you follow this agreement up in writing, along with the commitments made so that it’s not forgotten.
- Follow up.
Make a point to follow up with the person a month or so later. Make sure things are still on track, and the organisation has fulfilled its commitment. It proves you were genuine all along.
Note: This also applies if they ended up choosing to leave. You never know; it may have taken leaving the company to realise how good they had it in the first place. And when this happens, you may have a prime candidate for a loyal, proven staff member at your doorstep.
Just don’t forget to repeat steps 1 to 7 above when they want to come back. This time, they may need to influence you to accept them back in, which would be nice.
