When you lose your cool, you can have a significant effect on people. Despite your justifications, rarely does this behaviour serve you well. Do you understand the price you pay when you get crazy angry at people?
When crazed anger and hostility descend upon us, it arrives without notice and is difficult to control. We’ve all been there: that person who continually frustrates you, doing things that they shouldn’t, tolerance wears thin. Suddenly, you snap!
The relationship takes a blow, and everyone is left reeling.
Losing trust and respect
When you become aggressive and hostile, people can fear you. And when fear sets in, trust is lost – followed by respect.
Even if these moments are rare, people have long memories, and they won’t forget how you made them feel.
If you’re lucky, they may have thick skin. Unfortunately, though, most people will be shell-shocked and begin to withdraw.
The price you pay
When people disengage from their role, productivity suffers. People slow down; they become more ‘careful’ (fearful) as they don’t want to do anything wrong.
Rather than focus on producing great work (and lots of it), they focus on not upsetting you. They walk on eggshells’, become introverted, and limit their potential impact on the organisation.
What to do
When you feel extreme anger, it’s often too late. You become irrational, emotions boil over, and you’re unable to stop.
However, there are five points to keep in mind that can help you deal with these situations:
- Confront minor issues early on.
Don’t wait until minor problems fester into major disasters.
Set clear expectations, and when things go wrong, provide negative feedback quickly (within 24 hours). By ‘nipping it in the bud,’ you prevent a build-up of minor issues, causing you to burst into rage later on.
- Identify the root cause.
Often when we try to solve issues, we treat the symptoms (surface issues) rather than the root cause itself. If all you do is treat symptoms, problems reoccur and drive you crazy.
To be effective, you must identify the root cause of an issue and solve it before anger resides, i.e., prevention over cure.
- Sort out your own sh#!
Sometimes our anger doesn’t emanate from others’ actions but from unresolved issues we have within ourselves.
Find that you’re losing your cool more than usual, and it’s uncharacteristic; you may have an unresolved problem elsewhere. Speak to someone you can trust and identify what’s really bringing you down.
- If you must, vent in private.
When it’s too late, and you find yourself on edge, do whatever you can to remove yourself from the scene and vent your frustrations privately. Walk away, get it out of your system, and make sure that the people involved don’t see it.
When you’ve cooled off, rationally confront the person, and you will avoid the worst scenario.
- Always clean it up
When it all fails, and you explode, begin the clean-up work immediately, i.e., apologise and commit to better behaviour. Take responsibility for the damage you’ve caused, as your reputation is on the line.
Also, remember that there are only so many times people will give you a second chance.
A final word
The only thing worse than going bananas at someone is to never let them know of your disappointment at all. At least anger lets people know that you expect better – it’s harsh, but it’s honest. And people can deal with the truth.
A person that never handles their resentment becomes a liability to others. It’s always better out than in.
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When we’re leading and managing people, we strive to earn their respect, and our currency is TRUST. We’re either building it or losing it, based on how we act.
How we treat people, especially when we get upset, makes a big difference.
Be kind.
